I think this post is most relevant for people who are single and ambitious. It provides a new way of thinking how a spouse could be useful to someone’s dreams. This is one of the posts that was voted for by Huggie-Wuggie readers in the poll of December 2014 posts to write (although I’ve here changed the title slightly).
This post is not about selfishly going out to get married just for the sake of pushing forward in business life and dreams. I know many people do that. For instance some people get married at least in part for the sake of having a free personal assistant, housekeeper, cook, cleaner etc. I am not talking about that here in this post. Rather I am talking about why two ambitious people who are both pursuing their own dreams in life, might find it conducive and deeply beneficial, not just for life generally but also specifically for their dreams, to find one another, genuinely fall deeply in love, and proceed to get married.
REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME: This is not just about being a high-octane “Power Couple”, but also about being able to switch fluently from that to just being “a guy and a girl”, walking arm-in-arm, quietly enjoying life. Not just a marriage of convenience, but actually a real marriage, of two people who genuinely know one another and like one another. The key word here is fluency. To be able to truly achieve this, we must both be comfortable in both environments. To be able to easily switch to being “low-key”, I’m thinking that we will have to consistently reserve some parts of our marriage where work, work goals and even money are simply not allowed to intrude.
INSTANT BUSINESS ASSOCIATE – A spouse who looks the part.
If there is no-one else available, and you need to present your business as a team endeavour, guess who is going to come along to meet the prospective clients? You are, of course, darling! This is why it is important to have a spouse who genuinely looks the part, and can carry it off, asking suitably intelligent questions. It is not just an eye-candy thing, although that too is important. The best way to make sure of this is to have someone who is actually minded in this way themselves.
Sometimes, life in the business world is hard. Most times though, it is impossible! It helps to have someone who truly talks your language, so that they at least understand what you are going through, and so that they can sometimes help out in all-nighters. If someone is truly committed to you, and to the marriage, then hopefully they will generally be there to offer support, not necessarily because they desperately love what you’re doing, but rather because they want to support you, and encourage you to keep striving for your best.
Erm, I hope you don’t imagine you’re going anywhere without me, least of all with your glamorous (and single) secretary. I am definitely coming with you! This is another reason why it is important to be a spouse who looks like they belong in your partner’s field, and to also marry a spouse who can be comfortable in your own field. How many times have we heard of businessmen leaving their wives behind on business trips, and taking along their personal assistants etc? This to me sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, and often turns into just that.
“You and which secretary?! Do I look as if I was born yesterday?! Any hanky-panky is going to happen with me, if you don’t mind!” So then my job would be to turn up looking just as hot and glamorous as any secretary, packing my most teetering heels and sharpest suits. Ooh, I’m getting excited already! What about conflicting schedules? Well I guess this is why we are a married couple, and why I am self-employed, so that we can more easily coordinate or synchronise our diaries. However, if pre-existing appointments have to be shifted or altogether cancelled, then so be it! Trust me, anywhere you go, I’m coming too!!! If you like, you can go and settle on the opposite side of the world (ideally somewhere with an exotic sounding name like “China” or “India” or “Brazil” but hopefully not in too cold a country. In that case I’d be trying to be supportive while shivering away. Brrr!)
WORKING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
As a single woman, having to interact with men in the world of work, this is the reason why it occurred to me to write this post; why this idea has occurred to me countless times. I want to maintain strictly professional interactions with male colleagues at all times. To be honest, sometimes I think it would just help if people knew I was married, and if people knew that my eyes existed only for my husband, that he and I were absolutely passionate about one another. It would help if they could actually meet said husband, and watch us interact with one another, not for the sake of putting on any public displays of affection, or putting on any other kind of show, which is something I could only detest and abhor. But only so that they could meet him and see that he is real, and observe just a tiny part of our interaction with one another. This is so that there would not be room for any confusion in anyone’s mind whatsoever…, so that no-one could confuse friendliness for anything else.
What would be great would be if my husband was not just there on a once-off basis, but if he and our love were just there, constantly, quietly present in the background, both in public when people are openly watching, and those quiet, secret times when you can’t possibly tell that people are still watching. How useful it would be for people to then be able to observe words and gestures of warmth, friendship, and affection exchanged between us, to know that the image we present to the world of being tenderly, discreetly but passionately in love actually happens to be true.
“Thank you for being there today. I appreciate your support so much!” (Smiling into his eyes as I speak.) “I am so grateful to God for
giving you to me giving us to one another.” Then maybe we could hug and he could tease me or something, and we could just walk off laughing, still arm-in-arm. Just like it was useful in university for the sake of easy, unawkward interactions with male friends, to be romantically fixated on just one individual, so I also hope and believe that being utterly captivated by my own husband will also make things less awkward with other men I might work with. I know that it does not always work that way, but surely it must help?
I hope it goes without saying that all of this is totally mutual. So in the same way I would want my husband to completely look and play the part in my business endeavours, so also I would throw myself into supporting his own dreams: looking the part, being there to support him, gently letting his beautiful female friends know that he is taken by a woman who knows his worth, appreciates him, and adores him.
Finally, on a not completely unrelated note I would once again like to thank the person who has been praying for me. Once again I have felt those prayers, and once again I have been extremely grateful. Once again though, I have been beating myself up, asking myself whether I truly am feeling anything, or whether I am just deceiving myself. If someone has been praying, and if it is the person I’d like to have been praying for me, I’d like to tell you this: I don’t know you very well, but I would love to find out more! I’d also love to tell you whether I could ever see myself supporting your dreams, and just how that might, or might not look, but I would prefer to leave that for a face-to-face, rather than facebook-to-facebook, conversation! But even prayer, as amazing as it is, does not cancel out the two year thing. Hello?! (I am actually growing more and more determined about the “two-year-thing” – yes I am!)
Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
Photo of Gazania by Hans on Pixabay