Dear Mr TDA… 12th January 2018

Winter

Dear Mr TDA,

So how are you this week?! How is it all going? You know, I often wonder how life might be back there, without us, and especially your life, now that I and my “scared rabbit impression”, are no longer there to – annoy you? (intrigue you?! bemuse you?!) – and simultaneously make your day more interesting!

You know, the most significant thing that happened this week re all this is that I met someone who looks like you…at least a bit…at least I think so. The height, the hair colour, if not texture… similarish physique but you know what – nothing whatsoever. I did not feel the slightest spark of attraction towards him at all. The voice was completely wrong different. I’m sure that he is a very nice guy…!

ALSO… I have had cause to remember the very first “lift incident” (that I can remember). If you’ve forgotten, let me jog your memory. There were three people in the lift that day, two of them were male, two of them were Black. The two Black people were talking to one another and the White man was (unwittingly?) expressing his opinion on their conversation through his facial expressions – possibly without realising how extremely expressive his face was! The Black woman felt bad about excluding the White man from their conversation, so she kept looking at his face in a bid to try to draw him in…and that was how she saw! That was the first interaction with you that I actually remember – and I would not describe the various expressions on your face as being “down-to-earth” – from my recollection! What I will say is that on balance, what you seemed to be expressing on your face then has turned out to be quite ironic!
And there was also another incident with you – this time outside. I can tell you almost to the day and time when that second incident would have been – and once again “down to earth” is not the phrase I would have used to describe your facial expression! The whole down-to-earth thing only really started, on reflection, later, when (I imagine) you realised that I really was not capable of talking to you, and I started doing my “scared rabbit” impression.

Please do not think that my subsequent behaviour to you was in any way retaliation for your earlier “not-quite-down-to-earth”ness! To be honest, I cannot imagine how petty someone would have to be to extend an unspoken argument for that long! However I am not that petty, especially not with…someone who represents all that you came to represent! Please believe me that the reason for my behaviour towards you was altogether more flattering!

Also, I remember the one time I did summon the courage to speak with you – and it came out kinda flirtatious! That was when I realised that I really did not have the strength to deal with this and it was just too dangerous and you were to be avoided at all costs (within reason)!

I was initially going to “save” this for next week… but I guess I’ll go ahead and ask it right now. (Gulp!)
So here’s the question: Did you know about this blog before I actually told you about it? It might be extreme self-flattery on my part…but I could not help having this impression that suddenly something changed in the unspoken interaction between you and me, and suddenly you knew things about me!

Also you know that second time I forced myself to speak to you…right at the end? That was possibly the one day that I found you most attractive. That day, alongside your regular clothes – a smart white shirt and dark royal blue suit trousers – you were wearing this air of defiance – once again unquestionably directed at me (you wouldn’t try to deny it, would you?!) Somehow it translated down into the way you were standing and made it more compelling than ever… I was (as usual) trying my insincere hardest not to stare at you, specifically your arms that day! The only reason I forced myself to speak to you that day was because by then I already knew that I was going to make an explanation to you…

So anyway that is all for this week. I hope you have an amazing weekend. If you are a man of prayer please pray for me, as I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow!

Take care, Tosin 🙂

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